Sorrow

Tears form, I try not to make them fall

Heartbeat slow, I try to speed it up

Passion gone, I try not to be dull

Ideas lost, I try to wear a thinking cap

Legs numbs, I try just to crawl

Pain, anger, misery, confusion, mishap

Love gone, but will be found when and only when I call.

His smile

I'm sure I woke up at the wrong side of the bed because things were just not going on well for me. I overslept so I had to rush to work or else I was going to be super late. I skipped breakfast and dashed out of the house. When I got into my car it wouldn't start. I tried it a couple of times and it still wouldn't budge. I got out and rushed to catch a taxi. When I got to the office, my boss had put a memo on my desk. I was to see him IMMEDIATELY. Then I remembered. I was to email him last month's financial report yesterday. He needed it for a presentation at 9am today. I looked at my phone and saw 7 missed calls all from my boss and the time read 9:45!

After my 15 minute blasting from my boss, I got back to my desk to finish the report. You see, it's not entirely my fault. I work faster late in the night so I decided to do the report in the night and email it to him before I slept. Unfortunately that didn't work because I took in some pills that made me drowsy and I fell asleep before I knew it. Apparently my boss didn't even give me the chance to explain.

When lunch time came I was very excited. Just when I got up from my desk my boss walked to me and dropped some files on my desk. 'I need these sorted out,NOW!' he ordered. I couldn't believe it. My stomach was grumbling as I rearranged the documents. I think I work fast when I'm hungry too because I finished it in less than 10 minutes. I rushed them back to his office and put them on my boss's desk. He looked at me sternly, inspected them and asked me to leave. When I got to the cafetaria the only food left was yam and stew! I'm allergic to yam. I rushed out of the building to get something else it eat before time was up.

I got into a restaurant nearby and ordered a drink and some pastries. I gobbled it all down as fast as I could. It was only when I saw a little boy staring at me that I realized my pase was not the best, so I slowed down. Then the 'yawa' continued. When the bill came I couldn't find my money. I could have sworn I put a 10 Cedi note in my pocket. Then I remembered I used it to pay the taxi driver, then I put the change into my bag. This was embarassing. I didn't stop searching for the money. I was hoping the waitress will say, 'it's ok' but she didn't. "Errm you know what, I'm not carrying any money. (like it wasn't obvious) I work at Hellis Airways just over there. I could leave my phone with you and go get the money in no time." I explained. She didn't seem amused at all. "How much is it?" A young man said walking up to the counter. He smiled at me and I must admit, his small was mystical. He paid for me and all I could say was "Thank you, I'll pay you back in a minute". He smiled again. The could feel the air stand still. "It's alright. See you around." He said and left. I was frozen!

When I got back to reality (work) I noticed nothing had changed. The secretaries were still gossiping, my boss was still piling up work for me to do and oh yes the power went out when I was at work and I forgot to save the work I was doing but for some reason, all this didn't seem overwhelming after seeing that smile. That unforgetable smile. Maybe I should have asked for his number. Who was I kidding, I couldn't have, I was just too shy.

When I left the office my day didn't seem so bad until I got to the bus stop. A Landcruiser came out of no where and splashed water from a puddle all over me. I was in a white shirt! I didn't know whether to cry or scream. I tried to stop the next taxi as fast as I can but I signalled a private car but surpisingly it stopped. I felt really embarrased but it was more embarrasing standing by the road in a dirty and soaked blouse. I rushed to the car and got in. "Thank you so much." I said, trying to wipe some mud off me. "That's the second thank you for today. I think you owe me now." the driver said. No, I couldn't believe it! It was Mr. Super Smile. What are the odds? This time I smiled back and trust me, he wasn't going to slip away like before ;)

Surprises come in chains IV : Faith

Vishnu explained to me that Jesse was in hiding and couldn’t let anybody know. I understood perfectly but I wanted to see him myself. He changed his phone number to avoid being tracked but I needed to see him. I needed to know he was ok. That night he called me.

Jesse: Hi, I’m so sorry about how I disappeared. I felt so bad about the shooting. You could have been killed.
Me: Is that all you have to say? You made me feel like I was crazy, like it was all a dream. Why are you doing this to me?
Jesse: I never meant to hurt you. I’m so sorry. I can’t stand seeing you get hurt because of me. I’m going away for good this time. It’s for your….…our own good.
Me: What? You just show up after all these years and you are running again? You said you loved me? Can’t we find a way to be together?
Jesse: I meant every word I said but I won’t be able to live with myself if anything happened to you. Please don’t cry. I……..have to go. Take care of yourself.
I stayed up the whole night, thinking about the only man I loved. There was no way I was going to let him go! I had to come up with a plan. It was 12:20pm and my phone rang. It was Vishnu he finally got Jesse to meet up with me one ‘last’ time. I changed my clothes as quickly as I could and rushed out of the house without even informing my mum………

We met at Vishnu’s apartment. I had to make sure I wasn’t followed. I parked a few blocks to his place and passed the short cut to his house. It was a quiet and cold night. The anxiety I felt was at its peak. Vishnu opened the door for me. I walked inside and there he was, Jesse Kwame Milton, staring at me with something in his hand. I couldn’t help it; I burst out in tears as I hugged him. He wiped my tears away and held me even closer. “You don’t know how much I wish this nightmare was over.” He finally said. Vishnu left us alone. There was so much I wanted to say but being with him seemed to cloud my mind. I remembered the necklace. “Hey, you dropped this.”I said with a giggle. He took it from me and smiled. “I got something for you too.” He said and handed me a small box he was holding. I opened it and it was also a necklace with a little key locket. It was so pretty. I wore it immediately and gave him a kiss to show my appreciation. He didn’t seem to want to stop but he finally did and said in a low and gloomy tone, “I need to go now. I can’t say when next you will hear from me but you are always on my mind. I can’t tell you not to see anyone else; I guess that’s the right thing to do so yea I guess.” Vishnu came in with a little bag. My eyes were filled with tears. Jesse was leaving and there was nothing I could do. I had to so I just nodded as they walked out. I was to wait till Vishnu came back and then he would send me home. I realized it was true, that goodbyes were so hard……

When I got home I noticed there was an audio CD in the box the necklace was in. I slipped it into my laptop and listened to a song. I listened to the lyrics and fell asleep hugging my pillow with tears all over my sheets…. “I’m go’n let you fly and pray you come back to me coz I do believe if I let you fly and you fly right back then it was meant to be, so fly, fly fly”………


To be continued....

Surprises come in chains III : Fact and fiction

“I was on the beach with Jesse Milton; he didn’t die in the accident. We were both shot.” I tried to explain. My mother looked at me with tears in her eyes and walked away. “You need to rest. Don’t worry, everything will be ok?” The doctor said. The nurse gave me an injection and all of a sudden it got blurry again. “I’m not dreaming, I’m not making this up, I’m not…”I struggled to say………

I was at the beach again. This was definitely not real. I couldn’t be here! I looked around and there was nobody around, just how it was the day of the shooting. The shooting, was that why I was here? Trying to figure out what really happened? “Somewhere visible?” Jesse said from behind me. I turned immediately. “You are not real, are you?” I asked. He looked at me and smiled. “Yes I am. I survived the accident. I knew it wasn’t safe to be in the country so I…” He started, but that wasn’t what I meant. “I know about that but I know I’m dreaming. This has happened before.” I explained. He didn’t seem alarmed at all. “You are probably having a déjà vu sweetie.” He added and hugged me. It felt real. I touched his neck, I could feel his hair. Was I going mad? I moved back and looked into his eyes. “This is a dream, just like the first one. You are dead, this is happening only in my imagination.” I said sternly. All of a sudden he gradually disappeared. I watched him with tears rolling down as he faded away………

After two weeks I was discharged. The police came to see me for questioning when I had recovered. I told them I was alone when the shooting started. They did some ‘investigations’ and concluded that it was a stray bullet. The beach wasn’t too far from a military shooting base. I couldn’t be bothered. I might as well be dead. Life didn’t mean a thing to me anymore until one sunny Tuesday one of the police officers brought back my stuff from the crime scene. I collected the box and dumped it at the back of my house. There was blood all over my sketch pad. I grabbed a box of matches. I emptied the box and was just about to light the match when my mouth dropped. Jesse’s necklace was lying next to the box of juice. I picked it up. It was the exact one I gave him on his 24th birthday………

Vishnu didn’t know what to say when I showed him the necklace. He was the only one I could talk to about this. I was sure everybody else would say I was imagining or making this up. “So what are you going to do?” He asked. Wasn’t it obvious? “I met Jesse and it’s still possible he is alive. I’m going to look for him.” I replied. Vishnu was not very pleased with my answer. He didn’t seem to doubt me, he just didn’t like my enthusiasm. “Look, this is crazy. I think you should forget about it. It’s about time you moved on. You are a beautiful girl. I hate to see you waste your life searching for Jesse.”He said politely. I felt like a stupid young girl. Without a word I rushed out of his place. I was completely alone now. My only hope was God. I went to a church to pray. As I sat in the empty church talking to God will tears rolling down both cheeks I realized the necklace was gone; my only evidence. I never took it back from Vishnu so I rushed to his place for it. When I didn’t mean to but I heard a word that made me eavesdrop. “…she is still hopeful that she will find you. Jesse you have hurt this girl too much. I hate having to keep this from her. Do the right thing” Vishnu said over the phone. I slammed the door and he jumped when he saw me. “So you knew all along. Where is Jesse?”………

To be continued……………

Surprises come in chains II : Memories

I sat down in the shuttle and looked straight through the window. “Excuse me, what’s the time?” The guy sitting next to me asked. I turned to him and noticed he was wearing a fancy watch. “Why, your watch can’t help you?” I asked rudely. I wasn’t in the mood for small talk. “I think someone fidgeted with it because the time is definitely wrong.” He replied. I looked at the time on my phone. “Since you can predict that isn’t the time, why can’t you do same for the real time?” I asked even more rudely when I realized how good looking he was. He smiled calmly and was about to respond when I but in, “its 10:20.” The shuttle came to a stop and we all got out. I looked in my bag for money to pay for the fare but my purse wasn’t in it. This wasn’t happening. I looked again and again but it was just not in my bag. The stranger I was so rude to ended up paying for me and walked off before I could even say thank you. That was the first day I met Jesse…….

“Remember the first day we met, what did you think of me?” I asked with a little giggle. He laughed just recollecting the event. “I thought you were a stubborn young lady who needed to loosen up.” He replied with a wink. I hit him with a pillow and he just kept on laughing. Then I remembered. “The stew!” I rushed out of my hostel room into the kitchen. Luckily, it wasn’t burning. Jesse followed up behind me. He leaned on the door post stylishly. “Somebody remembered to reduce the fire for you.”He confessed. I walked over to him after closing the lid. I kissed him passionately and said “what would I do without you?” He was indeed heaven sent……

With my huge robe and make-up well done, I gave all the poses I could think of. “Pose like a graduate!” My sister teased. She and my brother were laughing their heads off. I couldn’t help laughing too. Friends were hard to find because they were busy with their families as well. My parents couldn’t make it to my graduation but my siblings were there to share in my important day. From a distance I could see Jesse. I wasn’t sure it was him because he had travelled to Tamale for a meeting. As this handsome figure approached, my heart raced. I rushed to him and gave him a hug. “You came!” I exclaimed. “Yes, I hope this was a pleasant surprise.” He said. I stared at him for a while just to make sure he was real……

I stared at a picture we took at my grad which I kept framed on my bedside table. Jesse had been away for 4 months. He was out of the country this time at an architectural fair. He called me often and we had video chats online but I missed him too much. It was worse knowing he had two more months to be there. My Ex boyfriend had hit on me several times, telling me that Jesse was gone for good and he probably found someone else. I didn’t listen to him. What did he know about Jesse? I picked up my phone and dialed his number. “Hello, Jesse’s a little busy right now. Would you…” I hanged up immediately. It was a lady’s voice. I was hurt. Was he really cheating? Just like magic, I met Vishnu, Jesse’s best friend on my way to work the next day. He gave me a ride and I took the opportunity to talk to him about what happened. He burst out laughing so hard he almost hit the car infront of him. “That’s the secretary. She takes their calls whenever there is a meeting. You have nothing to worry about. Jesse loves you.” These were just the words I wanted to hear……..

“She’s asleep. The doctor said she will be alright. Why don’t you come back tomorrow?” I heard my mother’s voice. I gradually opened my eyes. She was sitting next to me looking very worried. I was in the hospital and there were two police men walking out the ward. “Mum, where is Jesse?” I asked immediately I could speak. My mother turned and looked at me with surprise. “Sweetheart, Jesse passed away. Are you ok? Let me tell the doctor you are awake.” She said and walked out. She made me think twice about what had happened. As soon as the doctor came in I asked with so much eagerness, “Doctor where is the young man I was with?” He looked at me with a similar expression as mum. “You came in alone. You where rushed in here by a woman who works at a beach resort. Do you remember anything about the shooting?”

To be continued….

Surprises come in chains: New beginnings

I hadn’t heard from Jesse in three months. All Vishnu told me was that he had travelled abroad. He claimed he didn’t know exactly where. There was no way I could forget about Jesse. I knew deep in my heart he would come back to me. Even the song he gave me said so. Love wouldn’t disappoint me. I was playing with the necklace Jesse gave me when my mum walked into my room. She smiled and sat next to me on my bed. “Have you considered doing your Masters?” She asked with concern. “Your father was suggesting you go to his university. You will get a scholarship as well. What do you think?” She added. That was a good idea. I had been planning that for a while before the shooting. “Yea, I thought about it before. I will do some more planning and let you know what I come up with.” I replied. She was pleased…………

I couldn’t believe I was on a blind date! A couple of my friends had arranged for me to go on a date with a coworker of theirs. I had no idea about it till they both disappeared when we went to the movies. I didn’t like the idea at all but I couldn’t be rude either. He was nice, very nice. His sense of humor was amazing. I was beginning to feel comfortable. He was filling the space of emptiness I had hidden for so many years. What was I feeling? I decided not to let him have my number and that was easy because he never asked……………

I met Nana again. This time it was a complete coincidence. I was walking into a restaurant to get some lunch and he saw me. We ended up having lunch together and got even closer. This time I wanted to give him my number and I did. One night we went for a walk in my neighborhood. We wanted to buy kelewele actually. Just as we walked he put his arm around my shoulder, then he stopped, held my chin and kissed me. I closed my eyes and all I could see was Jesse. I moved back quickly. This made him feel uncomfortable. “I’m sorry, I have to go.” I said and run back home. He called after me but my mind was too cloudy to hear his voice. I was still in love with Jesse, I couldn’t be with anyone else………

I was getting more messed up each day. I enrolled to go for my Master’s at Westville University USA, where my father taught. I needed the change of environment, something to occupy my mind and concentrate on the stable things in my life! Maybe it didn’t work out with me and Nana but that was not good enough to give up. I left the country with regrets but also with hope to start over again. My father was so glad to see me. We had a lot of catch up time. I met up with some friends there as well. Everything was going on fine…………

One sunny day, I couldn’t help how much I missed Jesse. I called Vishnu to ask if he had heard from him. I forgot to tell him I was travelling even. He said he hadn’t heard from him still but I knew it was a lie. Then it hit me, why didn’t Jesse try to call me? Or at least send me a text. I kept my Ghanaian cell phone line active all the time. Maybe he didn’t want me anymore, or he had really died this time or found someone else! The negative thoughts were clouding my mind. I was on a bus going home from lectures. I closed my eyes and started praying. God has a way of calming me down and he did more than just that. When I got to my stop I got off the bus and there he was! I dropped my bag and my eyes opened as wide as they could go. “Excuse me, what time is it?” He asked with that his infectious smile. My legs were paralyzed. They just won’t move. He came to me and held me like a mother who had found her baby. His arms felt warm and safe. Once he was here I wasn’t planning on letting him go and I think he read my mind because he said, “This time I’m staying right here with you.”………………

Jesse went home with me and met my dad. He was surprised to know he was alive and he took the opportunity to tell both of us the whole story. I was more than glad to see him. I touched him a few times just to make sure it was real. When dad left us alone we were quiet for a moment. “So what now, are you going to run away again?” I asked eagerly. “I’m living in Mexico but now that you are here I might as well move into a place here. Can you help me find a good apartment?” He asked beaming. I smiled sheepishly and nodded. “If you had told me you were there I would have came here long ago”. I said. Jesse looked down, his expression changed. “Vishnu was supposed to do that. Remember the necklace I gave you, it was a key to a post office box which contained a letter with all my details. It also had money and an air ticket. He told me you rejected it and wanted to forget about me. I guess I was convinced when I heard you were seeing someone.” He explained. I told him all that Vishnu told me. I guess we were both played but he didn’t succeed. Somehow fate brought us together. “ ….so I let him fly and prayed he’ll come back to me coz I did believe that if I let me fly and he flew right back then it was meant to be……”

The End!!!!

Surprises come in chains

I'm sitting on a rock with the wind blowing through my hair. Once in a while I pick up my fruit juice in a box and take a sip. It's about 4pm and the beautiful sun is setting. Just what I need, the right environment to inspire me. I flip over the page of my sketch pad. I have 5 sketched already and an idea just sprang into my head. The tide is getting a little higher and the sound of the waves stronger.

"Where should I put the button?" I asked myself and raised my head up to imagine my design. "Somewhere visible?" a calm voice asked. A very familiar one but it couldn't be, or could it? I turned around as fast as I could and my eyes confirmed my assumption. I screamed and hugged him as tight as my body would let me. "Jesse, I can't believe it's you." I finally said with tears in my eyes.

We spoke and laughed just like old times or even better. His eyes were just as charming as the weather. I never forgot that smile, that blink nor that gentle gaze he gave that made all his emotions so obvious. Then it was time to know the truth, the joy of seeing him was enough to avoid the question but I had to know. With a deep breath I asked, "but I heard you died in the accident. Why didn't you contact me after all these years?"

He didn't look surprised because he knew it was unavoidable. He held my right hand with both of his and said "it was an assasination. They wanted my whole family dead. If they found out I was alive they would have come for me and God knows they would have hurt you too. You may not believe this but I have watched you all these years from afar waiting for this day." He explained. I could feel the pain and joy in his eyes. His answer was good enough. He's here now and thanks to the change of government I know he would stay now. There was nothing more to fear. Finally after 5 years I have been reunited with my dear.

We got up to leave. I watched him grab my book and pencils and hold my hand with so much affection. He turned to the sun which was almost gone to sleep. "This isn't right, the sun should be rising to signify this beautiful day I have waited to long for." I couldn't help smiling but he was right in a way. The sun was significant but neither of us knew how yet. He lifted me up and I giggled for so long but then he shut me up in the best possible way....with a kiss. I couldn't believe I had butterflies.

What happened next was beyond my imagination. I heard loud gun shots from no where and saw Jesse fall to the ground right next to me and just when I caught him I felt a sharp pain in my left shoulder. I fell right next to him. "Jesse" was all I could say as my vision went blurr. But I managed to hear his last words. "I love you"......the first and last time I heard him say them.

Some times it's you!

Sometimes the world isn’t too fast, you are the one who’s too slow

Sometimes people don’t care too little, you care too much



Sometimes life isn’t hard, you are the one living too soft

Sometimes your friends aren’t bad friends, you are just too good for them

 Sometimes people aren’t moving ahead of you, you are the one trailing behind them

Sometimes love isn’t ignoring you, you are the one at the wrong place

Every time God reveals to us all we need, we are just the ones who can’t see it.