Me: Akoma Counceling Service, this is Adoley. How may I help you? Please express yourself slowly and audibly so I can help you better.
Caller: Hello, I don’t really have a relationship problem. I just wanted your suggestions on something.
Me: Ok, please go ahead madam.
Caller: My husband and I are celebrating our 10 year anniversary. He says I should decide what we should do but I don’t want to suggest something and it will be boring and he will blame me. Do you understand?
Me: Yes I do but just for clarification; does your husband want you to decide on a type of celebration or a venue for the celebration?
Me: Alright and you don’t want to select something he won’t like.
Caller: Yes, weren’t you listening?
Me: I was madam but in order to fully understand the issue I have to ask these questions.
Caller: As I said earlier it’s not an issue. Just get on with it.
Me: Sorry, anyways here are your options. I suggest you select a venue or activity he personally has interest in. This might also mean that you would be doing something you don’t have much interest in but the advantage is that it would make him appreciate it more. You can also indirectly let him select an activity. There’s also the choice of a place or activity new to both of you but you should have a backup plan. The reason for the backup is that, it is possible he won’t enjoy the new place. Ones you notice that, you quickly change to something more normal. He will definitely appreciate the familiarity and enjoy is more even though it’s not too special.
Caller: Ok, you’ve talked a lot. What should I go for?
Me: I can’t really choose for you. You need to go for the option that best suits you. Another thing you should do is start off by telling your husband how much you wanted it to be special for him and that you hope all you went through won’t go to waste. When he notices your effort he is most likely to ignore a lot of negative vibes if any occur. It’s a type of mental preparation.
Caller: Yes, but I knew that already. You saying it dramatically doesn’t make it any different. So is that all you have to say?
Me: Yes, these are your options but I can assist you further is you will give me more details.
Caller: No it’s ok. I’ve said enough. How old are you anyway, you sound young. Don’t you need a lot more experience to do this job? I mean, if you are a child what would you know about marriage? (giggles) Anyway. I’ve heard you. Bye
Me: Thank you very…. (she hanged up)
I hate this job!
As the day went by I started kissing my 30% increase goodbye. It was like all the difficult, rude, annoying people decided to call today. Lunch seemed to cheer me up though. I sat all by myself at the cafeteria and managed to enjoy a plate of fried yam and tsofi (turkey) with stew. Yup, the lunch here is amazing like that! Oh did I add there was dessert as well? My options were ice cream, juice, or fresh fruits. Yup, I went for ice cream! Lol.
The next caller was really nice. He wanted to know how to talk to his children about sex. He kept making jokes and I tried not to laugh too loud but at the end of the day he was very pleased. The call came. His call, the sweet sounding guy :)
Caller: Hello, I don’t know if you remember but I called yesterday but the line cut.
Me: Ahh yes the amazing jollof right?
Caller: hahaha yea. You were asking me something. If I told her I have a girlfriend?
Me: Ah yes. Have you?
Caller: Yes, several times. She knows. She says she likes my company. I know we are doing the wrong thing. That’s why I’m calling. I know you might think I’m crazy but I really love my girl.
Me: I understand you. Ok these are a few strategies you can take. You should avoid her as much as you can. Make excuses when she wants to meet up.
Caller: That will be hard.
I kind of work with her.
Me: Kind of?
Caller: She’s recording an album at my studio. We still have 3 songs to work on. I can’t run.
Me: I see. Ok has your girlfriend met her before?
Caller: No, they know each other but have never met. This is really messed up.
Me: There is something else you can do. Have a talk with her about ending your fling and invite your girlfriend to the studio whenever she is to come and record. Make sure your girl gets there first. Be very tender and caring with your girl. Do things for her that you won’t do for the other girl. Make sure this happens all the times she comes to the studio. She would get the picture. If she’s civil, she’ll leave you alone if not, she will come on stronger. If she does, it’s a good excuse for you to start a fight with her and break things off out of anger. Either way, you win.
Caller: That sounds like a plan. I mean I won’t lose either way. Thanks, she’s coming here tomorrow. I’ve got to call my girl. Thanks a lot. This call has been worth it.
Me: You are welcome.
Caller: Have a nice day, bye.
“How was work? What kind of problems did people call about?” My mum asked on our way home. “It was ok ahh. Mum you know I’m not supposed to discuss what happens at work.” I answered, busy sending a text on my phone. I wanted my cousin to check the prices of the extra supplies I wanted from the art shop. My mum wouldn’t take me there because she wanted to skip traffic. After the text was sent I looked out the window and saw a poster of a female musician. For all you know, this is the super jollof making, amazing boobed musician. I giggled at this thought and my mum turned to look at me sharply. “It’s the text.” I lied with guilty face. Then Naa’s reply came in. It said…
“U r so annoyin. I’m alredy hme but I’ll chek it out 4 u. Wud hav done it 2moro but Sesi wants me 2 cme 2 his studio. Will text u da prices wen I’m dne.”
To be continued…