Emotionless

3:33 PM


Have you ever felt used but you blame yourself more than the person who used you because you know deep down you brought yourself to the slaughter house? That's how I felt as I lay on the bed with Coleman. It was almost 6am and my eyes opened by force of habit. I stared at him as he slept peacefully and wished it had never happened. I tried to tell myself to break up with him but that's what I said the last time and here I was in bed with a married man.

I got up and walked to the kitchen. Wallowing in my sorrows was not going to feed me. I opened the fridge and brought out a pack of food Coleman brought the night before. It was when I had heated it and was about to sit on my dining area that he woke up. "Good morning beautiful, something smells good." He said walking into the kitchen. I liked it when he called me that. My father never told me I was beautiful. It's funny how true that thing is. Your parents are the first people who can help you mold your self worth. My parents didn't really care much but I don't blame them. They didn't love each other. How could they possibly love me?

"Good morning. I just heated up some food." I said. He grabbed a fork and we ate together. Coleman was a very interesting guy. His wife was lucky to have him. Well I had him too but that's different. Every time we met he spoke about his wife and son 90% of the time. Most of time he was complaining about some things she did that irritated him. I always listened, unconcerned though but I pretended to care. It made him feel better.

I met him at a party about 6 months ago. It was one of these end of year corporate parties. I make it a point to attend these whenever I'm single. Boyfriends are easy to catch at these places. A nice fitted dress, long wavy hair, the right amount of make up and you are ready to grab the eyes of a wealthy executive.

Coleman was easy to approach. He didn't have a date and looked very lonely. I had never dated a married man before. Initially I didn't think it would be a problem but I know now that I was very wrong. I guess deep down, deep deep down I want to be a good person right? Maybe I was having all these thoughts because of Edem from down my lane. Ever since I met him things had been different for me. He is a very good looking young guy I met during my evening jog. He always made me laugh. Coleman was by far my youngest....boyfriend but Edem was a serious sight for sore eyes.


To be continued... 

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